Coffee Time a.k.a. our secret to not getting a divorce

I have a secret that I’d like to share with all the couples out there.  It’s called Coffee Time.  And in my household it is sacred time.

Coffee Time is my favorite time of the day.  It occurs on the back patio at my house when it’s nice weather, inside when it’s not, or at my office (where my husband also offices).  At the office is my favorite location.  See photo above.

We have been doing Coffee Time for years and rules have developed over time.  It lasts at least 15 minutes and it is a kid-free time.  At our house this is tricky because our three kids don’t think Coffee Time should be a thing.  Instead they want someone to spread peanut butter on their waffle, take them potty, or start Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.  But Kyle and I refuse to do these things during Coffee Time.  Because, for the love, we do those things 99% of the rest of our waking hours (or at least it can feel that way).

During Coffee Time my husband and I connect.  Sometimes it’s making plans (what are we doing this weekend? do you have a plan for dinner?); sometimes it’s talking about the news or weather; sometimes it’s reading our devotion for the day; and sometimes it’s just checking in (how are you doing with that project?  are you feeling better about that thing you were worried about?).

Coffee Time fills my bucket because it’s meeting my need for quality time.  Gary Chapman wrote this really great book called The Five Love Languages (  The book is a pretty quick read it you’re looking for a little boost in your relationship.  Basically he outlines five ways we give and receive love:

  • Quality time
  • Acts of service
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Physical Touch
  • Gifts

We each do all of these things it’s just that some are more meaningful for us.  Also we tend to show love to others via the way we receive love.  This is great if your partner has the same primary love language, but often that’s not the case.

So, in reality, the secret to not getting divorced is more complicated than just Coffee Time, but if you want to strengthen your relationship with your partner, find out your primary love languages.  For the quality time folks out there – I’d start with Coffee Time.


7 thoughts on “Coffee Time a.k.a. our secret to not getting a divorce

  1. jjtm4 says:

    Absolutely a fantastic idea! No coffee at our house, but we are just starting to make “us” time after the kids get on the bus until we have to be at work. Usually this gets us 20 minutes, 4-5 days a week. Did I mention that having our kids ride the bus this year is the best. thing. ever. at our house?


  2. jjtm4 says:

    Reblogged this on Laugh.Cry.Giggle.Smile. and commented:
    A few weeks ago, I published a blog piece about how tough the month of August was on my relationship and myself. Although my husband and I have invested time in “The 5 Love Languages,” we definitely weren’t speaking them to each other… nor were we making the time to try.

    Enter in what we could classify as “coffee time” at our house. This year, our kids are riding the bus to school. They board around 7:05am. Seriously, they bounce out there happily. This is a HUGE improvement over the calamity that was me, their mother, literally trying to throw them into the car at the last minute after 43 requests to get out there, some fast driving, and telling them to RUN!!! to get in the school so they wouldn’t be tardy…

    In this window of time that we now celebrate from 7:05- 7:50am, we are establishing some US time. We do still have to get ready for work, but this is when we sit down for a chat, discuss the schedule for the day and the day after, and ask about each other. It’s AMAZE-balls. (<– Forgive that)


  3. Beka says:

    Love your coffee time, and miss our Sunday coffee time! Hugs dear friend thank you for the beautiful words and putting your generous heart, soul, and mind into these 💜


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