The last blog post was about The Enneagram 1 (click HERE to go back and read it). 

This week’s topic is Enneagram Two, a good topic for me because I identify as a One with a Two wing.  You might ask “What is a wing?”  Basically it means that each personality takes on some of the characteristics of an adjacent number.  So, as a One I can have a 9 wing or a 2 wing.  My second highest score after taking an enneagram personality test (found HERE) was Two.  I answered yes to 13 of the 20 “What it’s like to be a Two” questions in The Road Back to You (available HERE) so I have some lived experience regarding Twos.  

Healthy Twos are caregivers who set good boundaries by knowing what is their job and what isn’t.  They are warm, generous and kind.  When Twos are honest with themselves, however, they have a subconscious expectation that others will do things for them in return.  There can be a quid pro quo-ness to their generosity.  When they are less healthy, Twos need to be needed and pride themselves in being indispensable.  Unhealthy Twos can fall into codependent patterns and stay in relationships where they allow situations they’re really not okay with. 

Twos can be found in any profession but often are drawn to helping professions like teaching, healthcare and child services.  They thrive in these environments.  However, the challenges with boundary-setting and not knowing how much to give or when to stop can lead to burnout when Twos aren’t leaving work at work.  Many a Two has landed in my office because they’re stressed out, working crazy hours, nearly going broke caring financially for people who aren’t their responsibility, and feeling resentful and used.

The enneagram has a deadly sin attached to each number and pride is attached to Twos.  Many Twos have been surprised, if not offended, by being associated with pridefulness.  This idea of pride isn’t in the traditional sense.  It’s more a pride of “I alone can fix everything” and “I know what you need better than you know” kind of thinking.  Twos can grow by learning to allow others to make mistakes, not automatically helping in every situation, and being clearer about their own needs.

Most Twos have an emotions radar and can walk into a room and know which person in the room is upset, which is bored, and which is dating another in the room.  This radar is a blessing and a curse.  Twos can fall into emotional reasoning and say things like “I just feel like they’re mad at me” or “Why do I have to ask my partner for something…shouldn’t they just know what I need?”  Twos see the world through relationships and this is where some personal reflection and knowing that not everyone sees the world the way that you see it can be helpful.   

Some famous Twos are Dolly Parton, Desmond Tutu and Princess Diana.  To be loved by a Two can be the most precious gift.  The world is a better place when Twos bring their optimistic and empathic caregiver energy and Twos are all the better when they recognize the limits of their giving.  My favorite quote for Twos is from Prentis Hemphill: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”