Choosing Dinner and Pleasing a Crowd

September 1, 2023September 1, 2023Leave a comment

Last week I posted about dinnertime conversation and this week I’ll stay on the topic of dinner. Our household includes three children and two parents and it’s tricky to please 5 different taste preferences for dinner every night.

About a year ago I hit the limit of comments that “I don’t like this” and “can I make myself a pb&j?” I’m the primary cook in our house and I want to serve dinners that are nutritious and that my family likes but it was starting to feel impossible. I needed a change for my mental health’s sake.

At the Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back dinner, I started asking my kids what meals they DO enjoy. Like the first-born, type-A, enneagram 1 that I am, I started a list of the meals I generally make and came up with 31, which included made-from-scratch options all the way to frozen pizza. I tallied which family members like each one and ended with only 8 meals that all 5 of us agree are awesome. This felt a little disheartening but also empowering that I know what will work consistently.

So the new plan became serving something from the 5/5 stars list on Monday and Tuesday and then the rest of the week serve other meals with lower ratings. Anyone who doesn’t like dinner from Wednesday-on has the option of leftovers from the Monday and Tuesday preferred options.

This plan has been a game changer. I’m happy to say the list of 8 is growing as we add more meals and my kids start liking some that used to be on their do not like list.

Oh and in case you’re wondering what’s on the 5/5 list:

Chili

Lasagna

Popcorn Chicken

Pork roast

Beef over noodles

Homemade chicken noodle soup

Grilled chicken breast

BLTs

Pizza

Spaghetti with meatballs

Beef tacos

Breakfast for dinner

August 25, 2023Leave a comment

School’s back in session which means I have a moment to write a post. I love the feeling of back to school season. The fresh start makes it a great time to set new intentions like connecting more as a family. One of my favorite traditions at our house is to share our Rose-Thorn-Bud at dinner.

This started years ago as sharing our Favorite thing (high) and Trouble (low) for the day. When our son who was two he would say the exact same thing at every meal, “My favorite thing is I got to see all you guuuuys…and no trouble was.” I can still hear that phrase in his toddler voice.

Favorite Thing and Trouble has evolved over time to Rose-Thorn-Bud and I love that it stimulates conversation and gives us all a peek into each other’s day.

It looks like this, with each person sharing:

Rose: something good that happened today

Thorn: something not so good that happened today

Bud: something you’re looking forward to

Budthorn: (bonus 4th item my kids created to talk about something upcoming that induces dread i.e. vaccines, tests at school)

The only rule is that everyone has to have to have a rose. A few times my kiddos have said it was a horrible day and there’s nothing good to share because it was a day of thorns only. We remind them that those thorns are real. It was a hard day. We can experience those feelings and also find the tiniest piece of gratitude, even if it’s just that we have food to eat.

Gratitude and connecting with others are helpful tools to improve our mental health. If you’re looking to improve dinner time conversation, I hope you’ll give Rose-Thorn-Bud a try.

No More Grapes Until You Finish That Donut (and other words you never knew you’d say as a parent)

October 16, 2017January 18, 2019Leave a comment

“No more grapes until you finish that donut…” Yep. That’s a direct quote that came from my mouth a few years ago as my two-year-old consumed the only breakfast item she cared to eat at that meal. If I ever write a parenting book – that will be the title.

Reflecting back, there are so many words I’ve said as a 30-something parent that 20-something me would never have imagined. These words I say multiple times a week:

No singing at the dinner table.
Don’t scratch the table with your fork.
Feet off the table.
Don’t touch your feet at the table (is this just my kids? so many are about dinner)
Where are your pants?
You’re not the parent (stop bossing your sibling).
Yes, you have to pick up your mess.
I can’t hear you over your whining.

Then there’s the mundane of life that I get really excited about. Potty training, for example. I have behaved like I just won an Olympic gold after my child went potty. Jumping, flailing, high fives, beaming with pride. I make up potty lyrics to popular songs (my favorite being Potty Rockin’ in the House Tonight) and sing them for what feels like hours on end.

20-something me would be appalled at how often my mother’s words just fall right out of my mouth. The most notable being “Be quiet…I’m on the phone!” It’s not just those words but the way I say them. And I get it now. The entire house can be calm but as soon as a parent gets a phone call, every child in the house will begin to ask for cookies, play with the loudest toy in the house (drum set), and engage in a shouting match with a sibling. It’s just a rule. I did it to my mom. My kids do it to me.

Some of these are funny examples, but there are some I’m less proud of. I distinctly remember rocking an inconsolable infant after many nights of lack of sleep and telling my husband, “we are never doing this again” (meaning have another child). That was during a refining stage for me where some of the selfishness of singledom and early marriage had yet to be sifted out. Obviously my opinion changed (two more times, to be exact), but the point is there are things I might wish I could unsay as a parent. And some others that I can only laugh at and try to do better in the future…including “no more grapes until you finish that donut.”

Back to School MORNINGS

August 14, 2017January 18, 2019Leave a comment

For the first time in almost three decades, I’m not heading “back to school” this time of year. In the past, I’ve always either been a student or been working in a school (or both). It’s a little strange now that I don’t have that seasonal fresh start for my work, but I still get to do the “back to school” thing as a parent of an elementary schooler and two preschoolers. I’m grateful to have at least 16 more “back to schools” to go.

A huge consideration with starting back after summer break is the morning routine. I hope your kids had a summer filled with popsicles, tons of outside play, and relaxed morning routines. Now’s the time to start moving the bedtimes and wake ups a little earlier each day (10-15 minutes) until you hit the target start for a regular school morning.

Regarding sleep, the American Pediatric Association recommends the following:

Children ages 3-5 should sleep 10 to 13 hours per 24 hours (including naps).
Children ages 6-12 should sleep 9 to 12 hours per 24 hours.
Teenagers 13-18 should sleep 8 to 10 hours per 24 hours.
Adequate sleep duration for age on a regular basis leads to improved attention, behavior, learning, memory, emotional regulation, quality of life, and mental and physical health. Not getting enough sleep each night is associated with an increase in injuries, hypertension, obesity and depression, especially for teens who may experience increased risk of self-harm or suicidal thoughts.
In addition to these recommendations, the AAP suggests that all screens be turned off 30 minutes before bedtime and that TV, computers and other screens not be allowed in children’s bedrooms. (www.aap.org)

I highlighted two parts above. The first is the improved outcomes for kids who get good sleep. Each one of those is an area I might work on with a client. I’ve had many families over the years who didn’t promote good sleep and their child showed negative behaviors as a result. Set your child up for success and have a good routine and a consistent bedtime.

The second part I highlighted was screen time. I will write more about this in the future, but regarding sleep the important part is that screens are not in children’s bedrooms.

I’m including a morning chart I created for my own kids. The first one is for a four-year-old who loves life so much that he moves rather slowly through it. He doesn’t struggle to “stop and smell the roses,” in fact, he stops to smell ALL the roses. This makes everyday tasks take much longer than his mother would like them to take. The chart has been very helpful for him to focus. The second chart is for a six-year-old who can read some words. Feel free to download and modify these for your family. I laminated ours and my kids use a dry-erase marker to check off each item. The best part is I don’t have to nag and say “did you brush your teeth?” or “hurry up and put on your shoes!” Now it’s up to them. My house is a nag-free zone in the mornings.

4-year-old morning chart (click here)

6-year-old morning chart (click here)

What is Play Therapy?

July 31, 2017January 18, 2019Leave a comment

The official logo of Horizon Mental Health says “Sarah Olson, LSCSW, Certified Play Therapist” and I suspect many reading that may wonder what exactly is a play therapist. I’ve gotten interesting questions and comments since adding that credential to my professional title. One question was “So does that mean you teach kindergarten?” and comments often are something like “Oh cool. You get to play with kids all day. How fun!” These comments are well-meaning and I don’t take offense. I’m happy to talk more about it.

First let’s get into why I sought out play therapy training. I have a master’s degree in clinical social work, meaning I’m a trained and licensed mental health therapist. For 12 years I worked in public education with clients ages 3-18. For the majority of the time, I worked in a K-6 elementary school. In 2016, I completed post-graduate education in play therapy from Mid-America Nazarene University to enhance my work with children.

The Association for Play Therapy’s website defines play therapy as:

“a way of being with the child that honors their unique developmental level and looks for ways of helping in the “language” of the child – play. Licensed mental health professionals therapeutically use play to help their clients, most often children ages three to 12 years, to better express themselves and resolve their problems.” (a4pt.org)

These are some of the kids of issues for which my child clients might come to therapy:

Disruption(s) in attachment (such as foster care)
Death of a parent or other loved one
High level of aggression
Difficulties with impulse control
Difficulties with emotion management
Parents divorcing or re-marrying
High levels of anxiety, including specific fears
Physical or sexual abuse
Bullying as a victim or target

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it does give the reader an idea of what kinds of issues a play therapist might treat. In addition, I work with the systems in which the child operates. I may see the child in session one-on-one, but I take what I learn from the child and the skills I teach there and work with parents/caregivers/teachers to carry those skills over to other areas of the child’s life.

In the future I’ll share specific techniques I might use to help children with various issues. But for now, if your child is struggling and you’ve exhausted all the resources and know-how that you currently possess, I hope you’ll consider play therapy as a way to help your child and your family.

I’ll close with a short video from a professor at John Brown University with an overview of play therapy (click on the title to view):

Overview of Play Therapy