Category: Book Reoprt

Enneagram 101

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So what exactly is this Enneagram thing anyway? Maybe you’ve heard about it on social media or from a friend saying “that’s such a (fill in the blank number) thing to do.” In this post I’m sharing a brief intro into my understanding of The Enneagram.

The Enneagram is a personality typing system and the first thing to let you know is that it’s not real. By real I mean that many psychologists would say it’s not a valid and reliable measure and holds no real meaning. I don’t disagree with them. And yet I find it really helpful in my personal life and with clients.

The Enneagram is, at its core, a spiritual practice. The gist is there are nine personality types, best defined as nine different ways of seeing the world. In any given moment, there are thousands of pieces of data my mind could be focusing on – the view out the window, the facial expression of a person nearby, that card I need to put in the mail today, some difficult interaction I had yesterday, my stomach saying I’m hungry…you get the idea. We can’t focus on everything all at once and The Enneagram is a way of explaining what we might focus on more often and give an understanding of our motivation for this.

When I first heard about The Enneagram I was skeptical. The most widely accepted measure of personality in my field is OCEAN (openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism). OCEAN is valid and reliable and often used in psychological research. The problem is it’s not that user-friendly for the average person. I can know I’m high in conscientiousness and agreeableness and low in neuroticism but it doesn’t easily explain my reality or how I understand the world and communicate that to others.

The Enneagram is shorthand and I always let clients know that if it isn’t a good fit for them, no problem. Except it usually is a good fit and sparks helpful conversation about how a person understands the world, communicates and behaves. It’s helped me understand myself and also helped in understanding relationships where I know the other person’s number. For example, my 6 husband sees all the potential outcomes of a situation. He thinks of “what ifs” that I would never have considered. Often this is helpful. In excess it’s an anxiety-ridden house of mirrors where reality feels skewed by so many potential negative outcomes. As a 1, I just want to do the “right” thing. I might say, “I just know in my gut this is the right decision. No, I haven’t assessed every potential what if. But this is what we should do.” Sometimes this has led to conflict. Maybe more than sometimes. But understanding myself as a 1 and him as a 6 has helped us tap into the best of ourselves, tame down the worst of ourselves, and better understand the other person’s perspective.

I’ll do future posts on each number but here’s a very high-level overview from my favorite book on the topic, The Road Back to You.

1. THE PERFECTIONIST – ethical, dedicated and reliable, they are motivated by a desire to live the right way, improve the world, and avoid fault and blame.

2. THE HELPER – warm, caring and giving, they are motivated by a need to be loved and needed, and to avoid acknowledging their own needs.

3. THE PERFORMER – success-oriented, image-conscious and wired for productivity, they are motivated by a need to be (or appear to be) successful and avoid failure.

4. THE ROMANTIC – creative, sensitive and moody, they are motivated by a need to be understood, experience their feelings and avoid being ordinary.

5. THE INVESTIGATOR – analytical, detached and private, they are motivated by a need to gain knowledge, conserve energy and avoid relying on others.

6. THE LOYALIST – committed, practical and witty…worst-case-scenario thinkers…motivated by fear and the need for security.

7. THE ENTHUSIAST – fun, spontaneous and adventurous…motivated by a need to be happy, to plan stimulating experiences and to avoid pain.

8. THE CHALLENGER – commanding, intense and confrontational…motivated by a need to be strong and avoid feeling weak or vulnerable.

9. THE PEACEMAKER – pleasant, laid back and accommodating…motivated by a need to keep the peace, merge with others and avoid conflict.

To limit the variety of human personalities to only 9 is highly reductive. No person is exactly all of these or only these. Rather, we’re all a little of all nine. Check out The Road Back to You for more information. It’s a quick read.

Finding Your Unicorn Space

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I haven’t written here in a long time.  Actually I checked and it’s just shy of two years.  We all were knee-deep in the pandemic then, virtual school and all.  That post was on creating a gap plan and it reflected where I was emotionally.  Just survival. 

With gratitude I don’t find myself in that level of stress today.  I’d like to hope I, and all of us, have grown since that time, including re-prioritizing our lives to focus on what’s most important.  I’ve been reading more in the past couple years, most recently a book by Eve Rodsky called Finding Your Unicorn Space.  The tagline sold me – “reclaim your creative life in a too-busy world.”  Boom.  Part of the re-prioritizing for me involves creativity, slowing down, and reflecting.

The book defines a Unicorn Space as the active pursuit of creative self-expression and reinforces that creativity is not an option but rather an essential part of being human.  We crave this.  I enjoyed reading about other folks’ unicorn spaces, ranging from common pursuits such as gardening or woodworking to amateur trapeze artistry or joining a hip hop dance troupe.  

This sent me on a quest to consider my own Unicorn Spaces.  Where do I feel creative and uniquely me?  It was hard to think of something initially.  Basically I spend a lot of my time working or driving kids to practice.  I do enjoy making craft-y things but my Cricut is covered in dust.  I enjoy cooking or baking on occasion.  I’m a fan of a heart-pumping group fitness workout but I’m not sure if that even counts as Unicorn Space.  I like to write but my mind tells me “I’m not a writer.”  I heard Eve Rodsky say in a podcast interview that we need to get away from “noun-ifying” our lives with comments like “I’m not a gardener” or “I’m not an artist” and instead to “verb-ify” our lives with “I grow stuff” or “I paint.” It’s process over perfection.

So here I am creating a blog post for my business website.  I’m not a blogger.  But occasionally I write.  It’s a creative outlet.  I enjoy the process.  I have no idea if it makes any impact in the world but it impacts me as a pursuit of creative self-expression.  It’s a Unicorn Space and I’m planning to spend more time actively pursuing this.

FYI I’ve grown increasingly interested in mental health for all, not just for folks who have a mental health diagnosis. Everyone can improve their mental health and work toward a more fulfilling life. I think that’s the purpose of this blog – to bring awareness and some tidbits for anyone to use. Perhaps this will spark an interest in someone to find their own Unicorn Space.