The last blog post was about The Enneagram (click HERE to go back and read it). 

Here we go with Enneagram One, a good starting place because I identify as a One.  After answering yes to 16 of the 20 “What it’s like to be a One” questions in The Road Back to You (available HERE) it feels pretty safe to say I’m a One.  Initially I wasn’t thrilled to know my number.  Ones are notoriously hard on themselves and I could focus only on the negative aspects of being a One – critical, rigid, perfectionistic.  I had a terrible feeling of being found out, as though someone had shined a light on places in my subconscious of which I’m not proud.   It’s taken me some time to see the positives of my One-ness.  

For example, healthy Ones are focused on a life of service and integrity.  They see the world as it could be and work for the common good.  There’s an optimism in balanced Ones that feels really beautiful.  Time travel movies often focus on small changes in the past that lead to big changes in today, Ones can see it in reverse and believe that small changes today can lead to big changes in the future.  But not everyone sees the world the way Ones see it, which can lead Ones to unhealthy mantras of “Why don’t people care as much as I do? and “Why do I have to do everything myself?” Ones tend to stuff down the disappointment and seething resentment until it explodes.  

Inside every One there’s a harsh inner critic.  Mine is much less vocal now due to training in cognitive-behavioral therapy.  Sometimes the inner critic is more a feeling like tightness in my chest when perfectionism is triggered.  I want to do the right thing all the time.  And I want to do the right thing so much that it can lead me not to do the right thing.  I wear myself out working too hard, overfunctioning, and people-pleasing to the point I become resentful and unkind (not the right thing).

Ones have a hard time relaxing and it feels physically impossible to unwind if there are tasks to complete. We feel physically uncomfortable in a messy space.  The inner critic notices all the undone tasks and reminds again and again until we just get up and do those things.  Ones are hard workers.  As the Road Back to You authors say “if you want someone who is efficient, ethical, meticulous, reliable, and does the work of two people, hire a One.”  The exception to this rule applies to projects Ones think they won’t be able to do perfectly, which can lead Ones to procrastinate since the harsh inner critic will notice the flaws forever.  

Ones can work to be healthier by letting go of the over-the-top high standards and work to see the gray in life.  Most things aren’t perfect or horrible, but somewhere in the middle.  It helps to name the inner critic and notice when that voice is especially loud.  It probably means a One needs to take a break, ask for help, or give themselves permission to do something fun.  Self-compassion is the One’s antidote to harsh self-criticism.

Ones have many gifts to share.  I’m proud to think of myself in the same group as Brene Brown, Nelson Mandela, Hermione Granger and Steve Jobs.   I don’t hate being a One.  I don’t necessarily love it, either.  It’s gray.